The first year of medical school was not good to me.
It was good for me in that I was able to grow and develop as a future physician. I gained confidence in myself and my ability to treat patients. I was challenged daily and learned how to overcome obstacles every day. But that took a toll on me, Adrienne, as a person.
I try to do a lot. Medicine is plenty. Being a wife and mother is more than enough. But I want to do those things and I want to do them well. And in my definition of “doing things well,” I judge myself on a steep curve. I try to make sure that my kids have lots of positive memories of their childhood. Which means lots of activities, planning, and pictures. I also want to impart as much knowledge as I can on them while they’re trapped and have to listen to me. How to make decisions, how to stay focused, how to pick out an appropriate outfit for the season and venue, all very important things. But that’s hard to teach when I only see them for a couple of hours a day. And I’m exhausted from learning (read: memorizing) complex concepts. Oh, and saving some time and energy to spend with my husband, who is a saint (don’t tell him I said that).
But that’s just within my immediate sphere of influence. I still have a strong desire to serve and impact my community. The military filled that desire in me for 10 years. I knew that every action I took and every day that I tried my best, I was helping someone. Since separating, I’ve poured that energy into two areas: serving in my church and mentoring. In Maryland, I teach Sunday School to 1st – 3rd graders in the church that I grew up in. I remember being told that I was going to be a doctor as a young girl. It was a word spoken over me for years. I hope to have the same impact on these young people. I also work with middle and high schoolers in conjunction with the University of Maryland. I love these programs because I will be in the school for much longer than the typical medical student, meaning that I can work with these students over a long period of time.
I say all of this to say that I’m fat. I’ve gained an embarrassing amount of weight this year. Between studying and vending machines and not sleeping and Starbucks, my weight is out of control. Spending ten years being weighed and being told how much I could weigh has left a big impression on me. Also, just knowing what my body was capable of for a large portion of my life, I know that I’m doing myself a disservice. But wings are so good. And so easy to order at 10:00 at night. And it’s hard to find time to run. So this summer I’ve been working on trying to get this weight down. I’ve been out of school for three weeks and I haven’t made ANY progress. Pray for me.
Until next time,