Since I got an email saying that WordPress charged me for another year of a personalized domain name, I should probably put it to use. I thought about this for a while, about talking about our family from each of its members, but it ended up being more work for me. So I’m just going to share about The Kambo Life, my Kambo Life, through my eyes. And hopefully I do everyone else justice.
I disabled the webpage months ago for various reasons. First, for the aforementioned additional burden on me. While Steven wrote for the blog, he has much more invested in his YouTube channel and providing content for that. So it became a nagging situation – and I hate nagging. Second, the second year of medical school was WAY (wwwwaaaaayyyyyy) more intense than I anticipated. We still had the same amount of content, but it seemed like there were additional requirements coming from all directions. I wanted to succeed (pass) so I had to remove some distractions. Finally, I’ve dealt with some self-imposed guilt these last few months. I still want to do it all: student, researcher, mother, wife, daughter, insert noun here. But when I couldn’t do it all, when I couldn’t meet these “standards,” I beat myself up about it a lot. I think that this is a problem that a lot of women face. We want to balance everything because we’re “supposed to.” But really, the only person that makes me feel that way is myself.
So what’s going on now? Well… I’ve officially finished my second year of medical school. They can’t take that away from me, grades are already posted and I have screenshots. I’m studying for Step 1 (my first board exam out of three) and that is proving to be challenging. Aside from trying to recall two years worth of medical information – that’s a feat in itself – but also balancing Steven starting a new job, the kids and their summer demands, swim lessons, church, family obligations, while trying to study 14-16 hours a day, 6 days a week, and not gain a million pounds: that’s where the challenge is. I have found myself wondering out loud, “What made me think that I could do this?” I mean, really, what crazy person takes on a dual degree program with three kids? Me, I guess. But this is where I lean on my faith, hire help (God bless you, Victoria), and remember the fact that I was chosen for this program after including my kids on my application, so someone out there thinks it’s possible. Someone just as crazy as me.
I want June 18th to hurry and take its time getting here. I’m ready to move into grad school and sit behind a microscope for the foreseeable future. But I’m equally not ready to take this eight-hour exam. I’m about two weeks into dedicated study and I’m finally starting to see minuscule improvement in my daily practice tests. Infinitesimal. Minute. I still have time. And lots of material to cover. Why am I still typing??
Pray for me,